That one time when we all took the leap

The next thing I knew, I was stuck behind a tall black iron gate, trying desperately to climb to the top. I was shouting, oh boy was I shouting. On the other side of the gate, a woman stared at me, shouting back- "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!" That's all she would say. Over and over, she said it again and again. There was a man behind me pulling me down to the ground by the leg of my pants. 

Still, I continued to climb the iron gate, shaking the man off of my leg, I continued to shout desperate ramblings from the top of my lungs. What I was saying? I'm not sure. What height I was trying to reach? Again, its unclear. But one thing I know, I was determined. 

I was almost to the top of the gate, ready to make the leap over, when the woman sternly yelled one last time- "CAN YOU NOT HEAR ME? I SAID, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!"

"BUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!" I replied with all the determination I could muster, and took the leap. 

....And then I woke up.


Odd dreams are nothing new for this girl. They happen almost every night for me. So, Sunday morning when I woke from this one I shook it off, like all the others. Honestly, there was so much more on my mind. The day had finally come. It was the inaugural show of Listen To Your Mother in OKC.

All I really remember from Sunday morning are the feelings. I know that I woke up a flustered mess, full of doubt and fear.

Me: "Am I really going to do this?"
Amy: "Of course you are, its going to be great!"
Me: "How do you know that? Everyone says that, no one can know for sure!"
Amy: "Would you just calm down? Misti and Heather have told you over and over, this is going to be a life-altering afternoon, just embrace it ok?"
Me: "Amy, in case you haven't noticed, you are in the middle of a conversation with yourself...again, I think that's a pretty solid piece of evidence that you are not, in fact, prepared for today."
Amy: "I never claimed to be emotionally prepared for today, but I am ready to do this, because, well I have to be."

This conversation, and ones like it, continued through most of my morning. Justin was out running errands, getting us ready for the day. So here I was, stuck at home arguing with myself about my level of preparedness.

FINALLY, it was time to head to the theater. I couldn't believe how excited I was to see my cast-mates! It really is crazy to me now, that only several weeks ago most of us were strangers. I COULD NOT wait to see them, hug them, freak out with them.

We met in the green room, where we snacked, primped, gave gifts, did yoga (thanks to Suzanne), and just loved on each other. We did our run through, checked out the stage setup, and all was set to go. Now was time to hangout and wait.

A group of us made our way onto the patio to chill out and get some fresh air. As I turned to look behind me, there it was. The tall, black iron gate. Staring at me. The gate opened up to a walkway, the one that would soon lead our entire cast to the backstage door. I immediately remembered my dream. And this gate, well it was identical.


I stood looking at it, and realized, my dream had not been nonsense at all. The iron gate represented all of the obstacles between me and getting on that stage, (the doubts, fears, stresses). And here it was, right in front of me, it was the only thing between me and the route to my podium.


In my head, I pictured myself climbing over the gate instead of going through it, and jumping off.


As we walked on to the stage, the crowd welcomed us with huge applause. We all looked around at each other as we were taking our seats. Some already had tears in their eyes (*ahem, me), we all had smiles, and the looks in our eyes said it all. We were ready to jump off.

I sat while several of my new friends shared their beautiful stories. When Misti said my name, I grabbed my hankie, walked to the podium, and took a deep breath. I kept myself from yelling it, but what I heard in my head was...

"I have so much to say."