A New Perspective

You may have noticed its been quite some time since I published a blog post. Not because I was lacking in things to say, but because I was lacking pleasant things to say. Life got rough for a bit, frustrating and stressful.

Don't get me wrong, I wrote plenty of blogs in the last two weeks, just none that were worthy of publishing :).

But all of that has changed now.

The last weekend just so happens to rank in the top 3 weekends of my life. It was incredible. I became an aunt. I thought that I was ready for the little nugget. In fact, I have done nothing for the last 3 weeks other than talk about how ready I was for her to be here. Ready, I was not.

I was unprepared for how much I would love her. I was unprepared for the amount of pain I'd have to see my sister endure. 

I was completely unprepared for the desire I would have to make the world better- for her

I always hear people talk about a mother's love, how it's instant. I didn't expect that to happen as an aunt. Sure, I knew I would love her, (like her at the very least). But THIS. This kind of love. It's new.

Its incredible, it really is. It's like my sister has already laid the groundwork for Emma. I look at this baby, and I see my sister in her. And because I love Sara so much, I instantaneously love her too. 

This whole baby/birthing thing is pretty new to me. I told myself to be completely present, don't miss a thing, take it all in and remember every moment. I had no idea how hard that was going to be. The whole time my sister was in labor my brain couldn't help but play re-runs of our childhood.

While my sister laid in bed having monster contractions and whispering profanities, (yes whispering ....the woman is a champ), I was sitting at her feet, thinking about our imaginary worlds we grew up in, dancing around the house in puffy slips, and beating her up in the front yard.

And now, here she was, in the hospital, husband by her side. Ready to meet her daughter. 

After nearly 22 hours of labor, it was time for business. The whole crew waited in the hallway for 2 hours while my sister endured the most physically painful and exhausting experience of her life.

Finally. The hospital played Brahm's Lullaby over the loud speaker. She made it. She was here.

As I held her, and looked her in the eyes, I couldn't be anything but present. I don't think there was even a thought in my head. I just stared at her. Taking her in. Loving her. 

The last 2 weeks of frustrating life didn't matter. I had a whole new perspective. This is the important stuff. These are the moments that have purpose. In my film classes, I've learned a term called the "B Role." These are all the added shots that make up a movie. Without them, the movie still exists, the story line still makes sense, they just fill in the gaps.

The tests, the schedules, the stress, is all "B Role." Its part of life, but take it in stride.

My family, my friends, this baby, this love....that's the meat of the story. That's what I want my movie to be about. That's my new perspective.


  1. It's amazing how the game changes when your first name changes to Aunt.
    Game. Changer.

  2. I think you have seen a glimpse of that thing called "a mother's love". No matter what you do, where you go, or who you become.....that love never goes away or is diminished. I love you so much and am so proud of the person you are. And Emma is one blessed girl to have you for an aunt :)


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