Little House On The Prairie meets Duck Dynasty

Sara's Mommy Monday post this week is priceless. Seriously has me giggling out loud- Hope you all enjoy it!

**Disclaimer – If you are a huge animal rights activist or frown upon gun use…You may not approve of this post.  If that’s the case, here’s a cute baby picture for you and you may be on your way**

When my sister asked me to do this blog segment, her exact words were “it doesn’t have to be all poopy diapers and breast pumps…just everyday life.”  Well here you go…this post is all about everyday life and a mom simply protecting her homestead pioneer woman style.  
The particular week I’m writing about started out much like any other.

On Monday Emma started her week off by getting milk drunk in honor of our dear friend Annika’s 21st birthday.  We thought it was the only appropriate way to celebrate. 

On Tuesday I decided to stop procrastinating and clean out my closet…ugh…I currently own about five different wardrobes.  Please tell me I’m not the only new mom that has this issue.  I can’t exactly fit into my old clothes and I refuse to wear any more maternity clothes (except for the stretchy pants…I love those I’m not going to lie) so I’m stuck with a crazy assortment of clothes in about 5 different sizes…Oh well.  

On Wednesday my precious girl turned 2 months old!! I can’t believe it! Time has absolutely flown by! We celebrated with some cute pictures and some not so fun shots L  

On Thursday, the normal routine took an unexpected twist. Who would have thought that Thursday would be the most exciting day of the week?  Oh Thursday, you sneaky day.  You’re right between hump day and the day that gives everyone hope for the weekend.  No one expects anything noteworthy to happen on Thursday.  But this week it did.

On Thursday, a squirrel…….wait for it………ate my mother’s day present. (Yes I’ve been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother lately).  You know, the swing that I posted a picture of a couple weeks ago.  

My first Mother’s Day present ever and a squirrel ate it.  But let me back up a bit.

My husband and I bought our first home together about a year and a half ago.  We love our home.  It’s nothing huge or fancy or new but it’s home and we LOVE the location.  It’s on a quiet dead-end street and backs up to a creek and some green space that no one can ever build on.  It’s almost like having a park for a backyard.  At any given time, you can find families playing, flying kites, fishing for tadpoles, or see our wealthy red-neck neighbors (that we desperately wish would move) ride their four wheelers.  This creek of ours also brings in some sweet wildlife to our neighborhood.  It’s not unusual to look out the kitchen window and see bunnies, several types of birds, and huge cranes (pretty cool). But the creek can also bring about some not so nice creatures too.  For instance last night we awoke to the sound of what can only be described as two monkeys doing the deed outside our window.  Any ideas on what animal that might be?  We have no idea (We’re just hoping it wasn’t the four wheeling red-neck neighbors… ).  

It also brings in skunks, ginormous opossums, an occasional snake and…squirrels, lots of them.  For the record, I hate squirrels.  They’re just rats with bushy tails. Why it’s ok for squirrels to roam around the streets and not rats, I don’t understand.  And now I have an even bigger reason to hate them. 

As I was passing by the kitchen window Thursday morning I looked out and saw a giant squirrel sitting on my swing.  I immediately went out to chase the bushy tailed rat off my beloved swing only to find that he had been ripping apart the seam on my swing cushion.  

Are you kidding me?? As I angrily stormed back in the house, texting my husband about this horrendous crime, I passed back by the kitchen window and saw him there AGAIN.  What in the world?!? This time I was irate.  Who was this squirrel and what was he doing to my poor swing?  

FIVE times, this squirrel came back to torture my swing.  FIVE times! That’s when my husband received this text message. 

Now I should have known better than to text my husband to bring me a pellet gun…I really didn’t think he would take me seriously…but he did. In fact he came home from work around lunch time, placed this beauty of a bb gun on the table and said Happy Mother’s Day.  Oh yes.  I have THE BEST husband in the world.  


The next few hours (or days rather…we’re still hunting squirrels two weeks later) were spent seeking revenge on one very large squirrel.  (No, I promise we’re not the redneck neighbors I referred to earlier.)  And before you get all up on your soap box about animals and guns look at these sweet pictures of my girl on her swing and then think about how this squirrel tried to ruin that sweet smile.

We started with an empty laundry detergent container and some target practice and then moved on to hunting down the real thing.  Now, I’m not a hunter and I have a very hard time inflicting pain on anything (my sister used to take full advantage of this fact when we were younger) but there is something invigorating about seeking revenge on a squirrel.  Maybe I’m bored and just need to get out of the house more, I don’t know, but I had WAY too much fun with this. And when word spread to our families of how we were spending our afternoon, they came over to join in on the fun too.  Turns out, hunting squirrels is good stress relief from work. (NO, I SWEAR we’re not the rednecks of the neighborhood.)

After a few shots and misses, we quickly learned that opening up the back door to run outside and shoot squirrels actually just scared the squirrels away.  It also elicited remarks from our redneck neighbors who were unknowingly sitting on their back porch when I ran out all Annie Oakley style shooting a bb gun.... 
“If you kill it you have to eat it!” and “Bring it over we’ll make some squirrel dumplings!"  (See, I told you we weren’t the rednecks.  What is this, Duck Dynasty?? ) Anyway, in case you were wondering, the appropriate way to shoot squirrels without scaring them is through the kitchen window in the comfort of your air conditioning.  

Well, long story short (yes this is a long post, but I’m leaving out the details of spending date night going to buy a bigger gun and how the hubs actually did kill a squirrel on Saturday and I almost cried…) we didn’t kill any squirrels on Thursday.  We did scare the living daylights out of some and I think we sent a very clear message because even though we spent the weekend peering out windows like we were under attack, we didn’t see many squirrels.  We also made friends with our neighbors who actually offered to move their giant RV away from our yard (God has been listening to our prayers!)  

And most importantly, I now get to look down and enjoy this view on my swing in peace.

1 comment:

  1. I am rolling on my sofa right now. How dare that squirrel eat your Mothers Day present! But the milk drunk picture kind of has all the others beat :) I don't know though....you and the little gun is pretty great! Glad I was there to experience first hand or I might think you were exaggerating a bit, haha!


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